Negotiate Like Your Life Depends on It: Lessons for a Pandemic
The US economy is in free fall since the coronavirus outbreak. Over a million Americans filed for unemployment benefits in March — a…
The US economy is in free fall since the coronavirus outbreak. Over a million Americans filed for unemployment benefits in March — a record number. Millions more service industry and gig economy workers are without paychecks.
As more Americans can’t pay their bills, they’ll need access to sources of emergency money. They’ll need to negotiate deals with employers, clients, lenders, and loan servicers.
In this environment, the art of negotiation has never been more critical. How do you get the best possible deal for yourself?
Enter Chris Voss. Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator and author of business best-seller “Never Split the Difference.”
I saw Voss speak to a packed house at a recent event in LA. He presented a master class in negotiation.
Empathy
Voss explained how to tap into the emotions that underlie any negotiation. It begins with listening — making it about the other person, validating their emotions, and creating trust and safety. Make the counterparty take your perspective without admitting defeat.
Effective negotiation begins with empathy. People want to help each other. Especially now. Everyone is going through a tough time.
When beginning a negotiation, explain the situation and the facts. Frame the conversation and make it clear you’re seeking help from the other person. Put them in a position where they can help you.
Humans are hard wired to be helpful to one another. Whether you’re talking to banks, or mortgage companies — this is how they can give you deferrals and better terms on a loan.
Other Voss tips:
Mirroring
Use “mirroring” to encourage the other party to empathize and bond with you. Repeat a person’s words. Mirror their tone, style, body language. Keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.
Tone of Voice
Use the right tone of voice for a negotiation: The “late-night FM DJ voice” (calm, low and slow), or the positive/playful voice (easygoing, light and encouraging). And SMILE! Being seen as agreeable makes people more likely to collaborate.
Seek a “No”
This one is counterintuitive. We’re conditioned to seek approval, to try for a “Yes.” Voss recommends you frame requests in the NEGATIVE to get a better response:
“Is this week bad for a quick chat?”
Saying “No” makes the speaker feel safe, secure, and in control — so you want to trigger a “No.” As Voss says: “One calibrated ‘No’ is worth 5 unqualified ‘Yeses’.”
If a potential business partner is ignoring you, email them: “Have you given up on our project?”
Then sit back and wait — you’ll usually get an answer within 3–5 minutes.
Negotiate a Better Salary
How to negotiate a better salary? Be persistent, avoid focusing on money, and sell yourself so your boss has a stake in your success: “How can I guarantee that I’m involved with this company’s most important projects over the next few years?”
Ask Calibrated Questions
Voss recommends disarming the other person by asking a “calibrated question,” such as:
How can I help to make this better for us?
How would you like me to proceed?
How can we solve this problem?
What are we trying to accomplish here?
Voss led a role-playing exercise, playing a bank robber who had taken a girl hostage: “Get me a car outside, right now, or the girl dies.”
The #1 question to ask in any negotiation: “How am I supposed to do that?”
These questions make your counterpart feel like they’re in charge, but it’s really you who are framing the conversation.
Listen and Label
Give a label to the person’s emotions: “It seems like…” or “It sounds like…” Then be quiet and listen. People will be remarkably compliant if they feel heard.
Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor. For more information about how to protect yourself financially from the impact of the coronavirus, see the website of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau:
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