How to Win at Bicoastal Life
Back in 2021, I wrote an article called “How to Be Bicoastal.” The article went viral and led to coverage in The New York Times and Business Insider.
Since then, I’ve doubled down on bicoastal living. I’ve gone from spending 80% of my time in LA and 20% of my time in NYC, to a 50–50 split. It’s been a lot of fun.
People ask me: Do you keep a place in both cities? How do you split your time? Which city do you prefer?
The short answer: I love bicoastal life. It’s rewarding. But not without challenges.
I’m sharing this reflection in the hope that my experience can be instructive. This is what’s worked for me — my best practices for managing a bicoastal lifestyle.
I recognize there’s a certain privilege to talking about bicoastal life. Not everyone can afford to travel and work remotely. But today, more knowledge workers can do their job anywhere with an internet connection. And they’re taking advantage of the opportunity.
The pandemic liberated millions from the strictures of 9-to-5 office life. They’re living and working in places like Lisbon, Berlin, Mexico City.
I’ll share my thoughts on New York vs. LA at the end of this piece. But first, I want to talk about what I’ve learned about how to be bicoastal.
Housing: Finding a Short-Term Sublet
The biggest challenge is finding a place to stay. (This section is for those of us who don’t have homes in both cities. If you’re lucky enough to have multiple homes, you can skip ahead.)
Finding a good short-term sublet requires a bit of effort and a bit of luck. Especially in New York, where the competition for apartments is fierce.
Airbnb in New York has gone downhill (and is now effectively banned). It’s been replaced by a thriving gray market for short-term sublets. My friends and I rely on housing groups on Facebook and WhatsApp. They work great in cities like NYC, SF, LA, Austin, Miami. I’ve had success with Kindred, a new app for home-swapping.
If you’re on a budget, you need to hustle and be scrappy. I’ve been able to get decent sublets in my favorite parts of the city: Williamsburg, Gramercy Park, West Village.
I’m usually able to find a decent place for $100–150 a night, in a good area, with a full kitchen and amenities. It’s not as luxurious as a 4-star hotel, but for me it’s cozier and more comfortable. When I’m here for an extended stay, I want a place where I can settle in and make a temporary home.
Work: How do you get work done?
New York has an amazing array of co-working spaces. My favorites are WeWork, Soho House / Soho Works, Fabrik, NeueHouse, and The Malin.
Hotels can be great workspaces: places like The Hoxton, The Marlton, The Moxy East Village, Crosby Street Hotel. Sometimes I post up at a favorite café, like Hungry Llama or Partners Coffee, or a late-night café like Qahwah House.
New York is a city of endless distraction. It’s important to find quiet places where you can focus and be productive.
Friends: How do you maintain a social life?
When I moved across the country, my biggest fear was being lonely. How would I make friends in a new city? Would my old friends in New York forget about me?
As I’ve learned, there are ways to maintain an active social life in two cities.
Of course, there are challenges. Splitting your time between two places does limit how plugged-in you can be in each city. There’s a risk of spreading yourself thin.
I’d argue that if you play your cards right, you can have 80% of a full social life in each place. Sure, there will be a few people who don’t know you’re in town and will forget to invite you to stuff. The FOMO is real.
For my friends who go back and forth between two or more cities, there are two general approaches to letting people know you’re in town:
Fly under the radar. Don’t publicize the fact you’re in town. This way you don’t feel pressure to see everyone you know, and you can enjoy the city as you please. Or you can…
Shout it from the rooftops. Broadcast your presence far and wide. Post on Facebook and Instagram. Create a happy hour and invite everyone you know — this way, even if they can’t attend, at least they know you’re in town. If they want to see you, they’ll ask how long you’re in town and try to make plans for another time.
One friend asked me, “How do you let your friends know you’re in the city?” She suggested I take a page from Batman and shine a spotlight from a rooftop: “Like the bat signal, but it says DZ.”
Events: How to navigate your social calendar
You never get bored in NYC. When I’m here, I want to meet everyone and go to all the events. It can be overwhelming. There’s a reason FOMO was popularized here (shout-out to my friend Patrick who coined the term).
I keep tabs on what’s going on in the city by reading The Times, The New Yorker, Gothamist, New York Magazine, The Cut, and (occasionally) Time Out.
I love going to New York’s museums, theater, comedy shows, and live music. NYC is great for all those things. But they’re not designed for meeting new people.
Here are the main ways I schedule events and meet new people when I’m visiting New York:
Friend events
Networking events
Community groups
Friends. When I come to New York, I like to organize a happy hour or large group dinner where I can invite 100+ people. They won’t all be able to come, because New Yorkers are busy. But some of them will reach out, find out how long you’re in town and try to make plans with you.
Networking events. I stay on top of industry events by scouring email newsletters, WhatsApp groups, social media. I reach out to clients and business partners and let them know I’m in town. Follow the right people in your industry so you can stay abreast of the networking opportunities while you’re in town.
Community Groups. In the past few weeks in New York I’ve participated in a bagel-making class, a live poetry jam, a reading party, a run club and a storytelling salon.
NYC has thousands of micro community groups hosting events every week. These gatherings are a great way to meet new people, do fun activities and explore the city.
I keep track of groups I hear about through friends, social media, or email newsletters. I stay on top of their event calendars and RSVP for the ones that look interesting.
Here are some New York community groups I’ve been enjoying: Fabrik, 57 Community, Reading Rhythms, StoryTell, Lunge Run Club, CX, DeSci, DryBaby, Third Place Bar, Lightning Society, Jew York City, Trybe.
My friend David made this handy calendar of gatherings hosted by New York community builders, and Gary shares great NYC events with his group, Sugary Social. If you’re in LA, check out this list of 150+ local community groups and experiences curated by my NYC in LA group.
There are other challenges to bicoastal life I haven’t addressed here: pets, health insurance, taxes, mail, air travel. It can take time to adjust to the cultural differences between two cities — the way people talk, dress, and socialize.
If you do bicoastal life right, the benefits make it all worth it. The world is vast, open and accessible. There’s never been a better time to embrace the best of both coasts.
NYC vs. LA: The Eternal Debate
“Which city do you prefer, New York or LA?” I’ve always deflected this question with a non-answer: I like different things about both cities. LA is amazing in the winter, and it’s hard to beat New York City in the fall and spring. The two cities have clear pros and cons.
“Which city is better for dating?” Ok, this is a juicy topic. I could write a book about all the differences between New York and LA dating cultures. For now, I’ll just say that I’ve had more success dating in New York.
My feelings about the cities have changed over time. New York City was challenging when I first moved there after college, until I figured it out, and then I loved it. Los Angeles at first seemed like an endless sprawl of highways and strip malls, until I discovered the “real LA.”
When I moved there in 2017, I was enchanted with Southern California: The sunshine and palm trees; the free-spirited people, their sense of adventure; the abundance of nature and outdoor activities. Every week in LA brought new discoveries.
These days, I’ve found myself leaning back toward New York. I’ve been spending a lot more time here. I feel myself vibrating at a different frequency when I’m in NYC. It’s like the city and I are in perfect alignment.
As the saying goes, “LA is boring heaven, New York is fun hell.”
Why I ❤️ New York
Being in NYC feels like I’m back in the game, back in the major leagues. I’m surrounded by the smartest, most impressive people. The ambitious hustlers, intent on leaving their mark on the world.
To use a chemistry metaphor: New York City is full of high-energy particles moving at high speed. It’s crackling with kinetic energy. When these particles collide, they result in chemical reactions, outcomes that are impossible to predict. You’re maximizing the surface energy of your serendipity.
The great thing about New York is you can leave your house, and run into someone and catch up with them, then go somewhere else and meet their friends, and before you know it you’re part of a crew, and one guy has an art opening in Chelsea and another guy knows about a party in Bushwick, and you’re bouncing around the city like a pinball machine, the lights are flashing and the bells are chiming and you’re racking up as many points as you can until 4am.
The city is an engine for controlled randomness. Every night out is an adventure.
Walking the streets, taking the subway, you’re exposed to constant novelty. You walk through the park and pass three guys dressed up as Ghostbusters. Around every corner: New sights, new sounds, new smells. It makes time move differently. There’s no sleepwalking through life here. The city stimulates all your senses. It does something to your brain. Makes your neural circuits fire more quickly. You’re processing so much information without even thinking about it. This makes you sharper. For most New Yorkers, suburban life would be unthinkably slow and boring.
One of the best skills you learn living in New York is to not let bothersome things you can’t control bother you. Because there are at least two of them on every block. The subway is delayed, the road is closed. Someone on the subway spills coffee on your crisp white shirt. You have to deal with an endless stream of BS, and at some point all you can do is laugh and surrender to the city’s zaniness, just ride the wave. This builds grit, resilience, mental toughness. Suburbia is the opposite. People in the suburbs build their whole lives around avoiding bothersome things like noise, smells, crowds.
NYC people are built differently. They have to be. People don’t live in NYC because it is easy, affordable, or convenient. It’s none of these things. People live in NYC because they want to be with other ambitious hustlers. People who didn’t fit in back home. They come to NYC to be inspired. They’re looking for something they can’t find anywhere else. The hardness and expense of living in NYC is a small price to pay for the privilege of being with people who feel like home.
Thank you for reading this week’s edition of Vitamin Z.
Until next time,
By Daniel Zahler
Hi there and thanks for reading. I created Vitamin Z to share my research on health and wellness, longevity and healthy aging, and ways to optimize cognitive, physical and emotional health. I serve as an advisor to Noom, a leading digital health company, and work with the world’s top healthcare and life sciences companies to develop innovative new solutions to improve health globally. I was trained as a research scientist at Harvard, and I serve as a GLG council member, where I advise global business leaders on healthcare and technology innovation.
Enjoyed your reading experience?